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Rising from the Ashes: 6 Steps for Healing After Being "A Woman Scorned"


It's a phrase we are all familiar with "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!"

William Congreve (English Playwright)

I remember as a young teenager the first time I actually heard that phrase, I cracked up! Why? I'm not really sure...was it because I pictured in my mind a scorned woman being so powerful & strong that she could do some serious damage? Look out world! I wondered what did she do to get "scorned" in the first place? What person would want to scorn someone knowing what the end result could be? Ahhh the reasonings of a young innocent mind.


So let's tackle this dangerous word...SCORN. What does it mean? According to the Britannica Dictionary it means "to show that you think (someone or something) is not worthy of respect or approval, or to refuse or reject (someone or something) that you do not think is worthy of respect or approval." Pretty harsh words. Imagine being on the receiving end of such thoughts or actions. How would YOU feel? Hurt, sad, angry, empty, cold, heartless, lifeless?


THAT my friends, is a woman scorned. It's a common saying that refers to the idea that a woman who has been wronged or betrayed by a man can be extremely angry and vengeful & sometimes even violent. Tsk Tsk Tsk. But is it true, or is it just a stereotype?


Well, let's examine what it means to be "scorned." Typically, this refers to a situation where a woman has been rejected or betrayed by a man she had feelings for. This could be manifested by words and/or actions, i.e. an unexpected breakup, infidelity, harsh words, uncaring attitudes or some other form of what the woman believes is emotional or physical abandonment in time of need and sometimes just want.


When a woman is scorned, it's natural for her to feel hurt and angry. Emotions are deeply involved. After all, she has invested time, energy, and yup, emotions into a relationship that has ultimately let her down. However, we have to deviate a touch...the idea that all women become irrational and vengeful when faced with such betrayal or hurt is flawed.

In reality, women (although we can be quite emotional at times) respond to these types of situations in a variety of ways. No cookie cutter experiences here. Some may feel devastated, unable to function and completely withdraw from social interactions with friends or family, while others may channel their anger & pain into more productive outlets, such as exercise, creative pursuits or self-love. Which type of woman are you?

Of course, it's also possible for some women to seek revenge and lash out. This could involve anything from spreading rumors to physical violence. Have you heard of Nair Gate? (2:50 min mark if you want to get right to the nitty gritty). All I can say to that is....nothing actually, I'm still shaking my head in disbelief. So yes, a woman scorned can do some serious damage!

However, it's important to note that this behavior is not just unique to women and is not a healthy or productive way to cope with feelings of anger or hurt. Men feel hurt, pain, embarrassment, rejection also. But the question is this...how do you COPE with these feelings?

If you are a woman who has been scorned, how should you respond?


1. Give yourself time to grieve and process your emotions. Cry a little or cry a lot. Nothing wrong with crying. Sometimes it's just great for the soul, wash away all that pain and hurt with a good cry. Check back soon for our post on why crying can be good for the soul.


2. Talk to someone. DO NOT keep this bottled up, share your feelings. Reach out to your support system – maybe a good friend that is open & honest and has your best interest at heart. Or you may choose to seek help from a therapist who can help you gain some perspective.


3: Try to avoid lashing out in ways that could cause more harm than good. Think twice & thrice about doing something you will regret immediately or long into the future.


4: Take care of yourself! It's all about self-care baby! Make it a goal to participate in activities that you like. Exercise, eat well, sleep well (try although it will be difficult). Just do things you enjoy.


5: Reframe your thoughts & your mindset. This one can be very tricky and will definitely take some practice i.e work. But by doing so you will no longer be diving headfirst into that rabbit hole of negativity.


6. Forgive. We all know forgive and forget, but that is definitely not applicable here. Let's say this instead...FORGIVE & LET IT GOOOOO! You are not excusing the behavior but what you are doing is choosing to release yourself from all the negative emotions related to the experience/situation. Again, not easy, but MUCH EASIER than forgetting. Give it a shot. With every deep breath you take after that cry, release some of the negativity. Eventually, you will be breathing a sigh of relief then breathing calm right back into your body! So worth it!


Remember, healing takes time, but by taking care of yourself and reframing your thoughts, you can overcome the pain and move forward with love & positivity.

And the same applies to scorned men too. Emotions are emotions. Feelings are feelings. Pain is Pain. Let's just try to get through all the hurt with love & understanding.


YOU GOT THIS, THE BATTLE IS NOT LOST!

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